Attempting to make a difference with some individuals can be an extremely difficult, unrewarding, and challenging task in the early stages. The most difficult aspect for me has been the idea that I need to generate positive thoughts or attitudes about the person involved before I can make an impact. I need to believe in an individual and have a positive vision for him/her before I can expect a positive outcome. This is quite a task when the individual doesn’t shower you with positive feedback because she doesn’t believe in herself. I have learned however, that Makin’ Magic works, with persistence.
I have been doing a case study the past seven weeks of this training, using one of my twelve-year-old 7th grade social studies/language arts students. His name is Donald. I picked Donald because he is a silent one who will fall through the cracks of school bureaucracy if he doesn’t get help quickly. He is not violent, vulgar, or angry. He is not a typical, loud and boisterous, attention – demanding twelve-year-old. His pleas for help are quiet and subtle. He breathes unwantedness and incompetence. I have actually been working with Donald since last fall when I began to notice this child who didn’t care much about school, let alone himself. I have tried desperately to seek out ways to inspire him. His lack of success and unhappy nature have been nagging at me ever since I met him.
Earlier in the year, I approached Donald with doubt and contrived encouragement. I was a good example of frustration. This was exactly what Donald was used to. Frustrated adults nagging at him to do things he knew would never meet their expectations. I directly reinforced his negative core believe of incompetence and indirectly made him feel unwanted.
Even though I was putting a significant amount of emotional energy into this child, it wasn’t doing any good. I verbally nagged Donald, wrote passes requiring him to come in at lunch, called his nagging mother, conveyed disappointment to him when he didn’t follow through, had him design a behavior contract which he, his mother, and I signed. Amidst all this negative energy, I wasn’t able to see the core beliefs that Donald was harboring. It’s no wonder we didn’t get along.
It is now plain as day for me to see the negativism that surrounds Donald’s spirit. With this knowledge, I have been rejuvenated and have found a new passage to Donald’s spirit. I am optimistic.
Donald’s most obvious negative core beliefs about himself are that he is unwanted and incompetent. When I talk with Donald and work with him now, I intentionally focus on the opposites of those beliefs and convey that message to him.
I tell him that he is talented. I tell him that I enjoy having him come to my room to work. I tell him that I sincerely care about him and want him to be happy. I tell him that he is competent and loved. I show him these feelings by sitting with him at the same table in the mornings. I give him extra pats on the back for completing the assignment with little assistance.
And the assistance that I was giving him was no more than what any other child might need. I believed that he could complete assignments and would complete them to the best of his ability. This attitude and belief created and fueled my new attitude and response to Donald. It was a bit like a miracle to see the changes in Donald.
However, it has taken about eight weeks for there to be noticeable change in Donald, as Mary indicated it would.
It is now quite easy for me to visualize myself in a positive, new response. I believe in Donald, so the new, more optimistic response comes easily.
Virtually everything I say to him is somehow related to “I really care about you,” and “this is really good stuff.” He honestly seems to want this because he keeps coming back for more. His level of commitment is now active. When we first met, he didn’t care. There was no reason for commitment. Occasionally he dips into passivity but overall, he seems to enjoy being active and now he has a reason to be active.
Donald is now keeping up with all assignments in my class and spends extra time in my room on his own. He is an inspiration to others. My attitude about Donald has changed significantly since last fall. I have learned that he is very capable, and I have learned to really care about him. I hope that I have provided him with the tools and confidence to believe in himself. These he will need to maintain his active level of commitment.